We put on our lab coats. We put on our goggles. And for some reason we lit a Bunsen burner. All in the name of science. The science of what your favorite cocktail says about you. So check out our findings.
You didn’t know what this drink was until you saw a certain clip from a certain interview between two stars of a certain dragon-themed show, and now you can’t stop saying “sbagliato.”
You’ve got style. Panache. And you don’t care who knows it. You’ve spent a considerable amount of time at tennis and/or golf clubhouses for someone who does not play tennis and/or golf. Somewhat ironically, you are also an immaculately clean individual who doesn’t just use the shower to disassociate.
You’re either out at a club or at home watching RHONY with zero in-between.
You either currently work in or have previously worked in the restaurant industry. Your friends consider you mature for your age, but they would quickly reconsider that if they ever saw what was currently sitting in your Amazon cart (toilet putt-putt golf, really?).
Old Fashioned and/or Manhattan
You’re a Six Sigma black belt, a Krav Maga orange belt, and just got your Honorary Golden Zipper Award (ok that one isn’t real yet). You’ve been considering getting into woodworking for like five years now and plan to have your gravestone read “Titan of Industry” at your funeral.
You are a loose cannon. An extremist. Everyone at your Crossfit/rock climbing gym is afraid of your overwhelmingly enthusiastic and positive mindset. Your gravestone won’t have anything on it because you will never die.
You have a zest for life and will try any food once regardless of the impact it will have on your body afterward. You’ve been trying to coin your own catchphrases and can be talked out of going to the gym at the drop of a hat. Which is frequent, because you frequently drop your hat.
Jared Jones is a writer of immense talent and even more immense humility. His corporeal husk currently takes residence in Boston, MA.
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Dirty Shirley 101
2 oz. vodka
1 oz. grenadine
6 oz. Sprite
1 Maraschino cherry
